I saw you

I saw you. I wanted you to see me, so I decided to enter your line of sight. We exchanged a smile,  but you didn’t come towards me. I knew at that time that it was truly over between us, but I still went and talked to you. Your voice was different. You grew older than me. You were still as beautiful as you were when we were together, but you weren’t laughing and your smile was fake. We talked about the present and the future, but I wanted to talk about the past. I wanted to come back to those years where we had been together. I wanted to come back to us, but you wouldn’t. I didn’t dare to ask where you were living or if you had someone in your life. 

 There was this barrier between us. We didn’t have such a thing back then. What happened?

You told me about your job, I told you about mine. You had to go. I wanted to go with you. We went on separate sides. I looked back as you walked away. You didn’t turn around to wave at me. You went on your way. Your life was full.

And mine was empty.

Dream #29 – Spider

” In this very short dream, I had spider webs all over me. The spider itself was still attached to its web. Every time I would shake and try to make it go away, the spider would come closer and closer. “

Dream #28 – King of Bears

” I had one more dream about bears. I was at our camp with my grandfather and his brother. We heard noises, so I went outside. A gigantic grizzly bear came out of nowhere and attacked me. I was very scared once again. I was quick enough to move away from it and I went back inside the camp. I closed and locked both doors. The bear charged the doors and I thought it would be able to enter the camp. My grandfather and uncle came running towards the door and we all scared the bear away. It ran back but remained in front of us, looking at us. My uncle went for his rifle. I wasn’t scared anymore at that point, but I didn’t feel at ease with this situation. Killing the bear was out of the question for me for I knew at this point that it was yet another bear in my dreams. It seemed very important that this bear should remain alive and well. I told my uncle not to aim his rifle towards the bear. He shot next to it and it ran away as the bullets hit the ground. “

Dream #27 – Warriors and Demons

” I found myself in a very strange place. It was a dojo. There were many warriors and they all had the same face. Their facial attributes were slightly different from ordinary human beings. They seemed to be lesser demon warriors. They all wore blue robes. They were performing some sort of ritual involving a katana. They all had a katana and were sitting on the ground. They would make several gestures involving the katana and after a series of movements, they would try to attack the warrior behind them. There was a different person witnessing the event. He was some sort of jester. He would walk next to the warriors and taunt them.

I left the dojo and encountered a wicked woman. She was possessed by an evil demon. Her face was white and the skin around her eyes was black as coal. She charged towards me and I pushed her back. I was very scared, but I knew that somehow I had the power to eliminate this demon. As she charged once more, I spoke to the demon itself and I ordered it to leave the woman’s body. The demon was in very deep pain but remained within the body. It charged once more, furiously. A pure white light emerged from my chest and hit the woman. I woke up right after this. “

Dream #26 – Intruders

” This dream began with a false awakening. In my dream, I woke up and I heard voices. I heard people talking. The voices were unfamiliar, and I immediately understood that there were strangers in the house. I took my knife and opened the door. I saw three boys, three teenagers. They were stealing things. I challenged them but I woke up afterwards. During the whole dream I was very scared. “

Haiti needs your help!

I will rarely get out of my typical blog posts but this is very important.

The country of Haiti and most especially the large city of Port-au-Prince has been practically destroyed by an earthquake some days ago. Tens of thousands of people have perished during the seism and many of the survivors from the Earthquake will die under the debris of their own homes or from unhealed wounds. The Haitians do not know where to go and what to do as the government has lost most of its control over the country. Many ministers, policemen and other state employees lost their life, leaving the country in a state of chaos. The hospitals have been destroyed and fell on the patients, nurses and doctors who were in them. The multiple merchants of the city saw their commercial buildings fall apart, taking years and even generations of hard working away since most of them do not have any kind of insurance. Right now, some of them are standing, tired and sleepless, on the remains of what used to be their source for money, with a gun in their hand, desperately keeping other people from stealing from them. Schools have fallen on the bodies of many children who subsequently perished. Entire families are now gone and the worst thing about this is that there is so much to do that the corpses of the victims are still lying everywhere under the houses but also on the streets, some of them partly hidden by relatives who did not know how to dispose of their lost friend/family member, some of them forgotten and even ignored by everyone and exposed at the sight of all. Imagine the scent of the dead bodies, the screams of heartbroken mothers and the cries of orphaned children. This is only part of what reality must be for a Haitian right now.  The women who once were the center of stability to their children’s eyes now have no idea how to satisfy the very basic needs of their family. The men who once were hard working citizens have now resorted to thievery and violence to survive.

But there is still hope. Haiti is the land of hope. Its people are strong and they have faced many adversities before, although this earthquake is arguably the worst thing that has ever happened to them. They are positive people. They are good people.

Many of the Haitians who have survived this catastrophic event are wounded and need help, food, water, but most importantly they need the entire world to lend a hand.

Unfortunately, this country had been forgotten, left alone. They have never been able to construct themselves as a nation in a proper manner because of us, foreigners. Many countries are responsible for this and it would be a waste of time to trace them all back in time in a vengeful way. But I will say this: Look at the number of fondations on this list right here: link.

As you can see, there is a vast number of foundations. This is actually a very small list as there are many other organisms all over the world who are contributing to the Haitian cause. At first, this seems like a very good thing as this means that many people are willing to help Haiti, but once you realize that most of these foundations, as numerous as they might be, rarely coordinate their work with each other and that the funds are scattered from one to another, you come to think that this is not a good thing. What I want to say here is that some people, even if they are righteous in their process, should forget about their individualism and remember that unity is the most important thing when it comes to things like these. This is why I highly recommend that you think before you give. But give. You must help this country. Now is the time to help them begin anew. We must first help them to survive, but we must also help them to reconstruct their country and this time it must be solid. We must not forget about them. We must assist them, walk with them until they can walk on their own.

As this event has occurred very recently and that there will be weeks remaining before everything that requires immediate attention is dealt with, I highly recommend that you donate to a very important group of organisms that have been known to be true and hard-working for many years. I’m talking about the Red Cross organisms. The Red Cross are the most important groups of people when it comes to helping people who need medical aid and as you might have now realized, Haitians need this kind of help right now. Please donate to these organism. There is one Red Cross for pretty much all the countries in the world, so make sure to donate to the Red Cross from your country. And if you don’t feel like donating to the Red Cross, please donate to the organism that you believe is the best, but make sure the organism is legitimate and not a fraud for there are people who are evil enough to lie and steal from you even during these dark times.

If you do not like the idea of having your money used by other people without knowing what they will do with it, why don’t you visit Haiti, once this is over? Then you would contribute to its economy. Haiti will also need us as tourists one day so it can maintain a solid economy. You might walk on its land, talk with its people and eat its food and you will realize that, in the end, you were part of this reconstruction. You will realize that you did something good. You will realize the entire world did something good since this earthquake. There is an opportunity for you. You must take it. Do something positive. Help Haiti in any way you can!

The Canadian Red Cross: Here.

The American Red Cross: Here.

The British Red Cross: Here.

If you are part of another country you might find more information on your Red Cross organism: Here.

Dream #25 – Fantasy world

” I remember this dream very well. It was vivid. I was aware that I was dreaming and once again I decided not to use my lucid dream powers. I was in a forest, but this forest had trees and plants I had never seen in my life. The flora and fauna was exotic and different from everything we know on Earth. It was nighttime and I was with my sister. I told her ” This is it. This is the land I imagined as my own paradise. I created this many years ago in a dream and there it is. Everything has flourished and everything finally came to life. This is where I will come when I will die. Remember this, shall you ever need to see me, this is where I will be once I am no more. ”.

 

There were blue mushrooms on the ground. The mushrooms were lighting the area with a calming azure glow. I took one of them. With this light in my hand, I guided my sister out of the forest and onto a road. I figured out that my dream world had evolved more than I had previously thought. Suddenly, there were black, dark ghosts on horses who came towards us. I could have used my powers, but I decided to hide my identity as a creator and I ran from them as they chased us. I lost sight of my sister at this point. As the black riders were in my back, I saw other riders in front of me. I soon understood that I was in the middle of some war and that both of these beings were fighting each other. The black riders produced flames and shadows. The other riders were similar to humans. They had many jewels on their clothes and armors and even the horses bore jewels.

 

As the two armies engaged in a battle, I stood as a bystander. I was neutral and didn’t help neither side. After a while, I grew weary and I decided to walk to a river. I found somebody there. He seemed to be very important. He wore a crown, as if he was a king. I stood besides him. He feared the black riders and he didn’t like that he had to fight them. I could see in his face that he wanted the best for this land. I walked in the river and took a rock within the water. I gave it to him as the rock turned into a precious, red stone, similar to a ruby. I woke up. “

Challenge

I know I didn’t do much since you left. I know I could have done much more. Sometimes I blame it on myself or my condition but I am unsure if I can change anything. I still live with a lot of uncertainty. I don’t know where I am going. Those around me live their life and it’s fine the way it is but I guess that I need something else because I do not envy them at all. I don’t know what I am searching for. Maybe I just need a good kick in the ass, heh.

I think I am slowly getting out of this, but it’s hard. I’m fighting myself constantly. I must keep positive, I guess. I lack those moments where nothing was important but the most basic of things. Sometimes I feel pressure and I don’t like it. I don’t feel like we’re made for this kind of life. I feel like this kind of life has been the cause for what has happened to me.

I think this year is the year when everything will develop. Good or bad, I don’t know, but something is going to happen. I wish you were still there. I miss your presence. I still remember those days. Thanks for everything.

- X

Dream #24 – The Octopus

” I don’t know what happened last night. I woke up, at least I think I woke up, with the feeling that something was over my head. I looked at the ceiling and there I saw it. It was a living shadow. Some sort of dark octopus. And I could easily see it as I can see the neighboor walking to his car. It was about the size of a cat. I could see its tentacles waving in all the directions. It was coming down on the wall. It was going for me. I felt its malevolent spirit within my own soul. We were having some sort of connection. I felt like this thing was a parasite. I felt like it was pure evil. I felt all of this in under a second of pure fear. I couldn’t scream, I could barely react to it. I jumped out of my bed and went to turn on the lights, but when I looked back, it wasn’t there anymore. I turned on the lights. It was 2:47am. I don’t know what it was, but it was there. I have never seen something like this in my entire life and I am scared. “

Dream #23 – The Pact

” I had a very small dream which turned into a nightmare. I was at my grandfather’s house with most of my family members. Very quickly, we saw bright white lights coming from everywhere. The lights took over the house and everything was white. Small, pure white alien beings began to emerge from these lights and talked to me within my mind. They told me they had been following me since my birth and that now they needed me. I was very afraid of them and I felt that they were taking my family members hostage without actually telling me directly so I chose to obey their orders. I went out and searched for something… I didn’t know what it was, but I knew I had to search for it on the ground, within the tall grass at the edge of the forest. After searching for a while, I was surrounded once again by other beings. These beings were human in appearance but I knew that they weren’t human and that they were hiding their true nature. They told me they knew who I was and that I had been contacted by these white aliens. They wanted me to tell them where they were. I felt like I was caught in a conflict that was much bigger than me. I was scared and all I wanted was to be safe and out of this mess. I told them about their location. They immediately searched for them. Some of my family members came to me and told me that the whites had been attacked by other aliens. I felt guilty. The fake humans came back. They had killed the white aliens and were now going to kill me in order to remain unknown to the rest of humanity. I ran away in the forest with my family. I kept falling on the ground. I woke up with the feeling that I had betrayed those who had been protecting me for many years. “

Dream #22 – Revisiting A Dream World

Some months ago, our patient had a dream in which he was in a strange fun fair, a dark carnival. There were monsters in cages, giants and floating lights in display cases. In his last dream, the patient revisited this world, this time accompanied by his family members.

” I went there in a car. We parked in a dark place and we were alone. The moon was full in the sky. The trees surrounding our car were darker than the night and I could only see their silhouettes. We went to the lights on top of the mountain and I quickly acknowledged that I had been there before and that this was a dream. Instead of using the usual powers I have when I unlock lucid dreaming, I decided to bring my family to this place and show them what I had seen in my previous dream. There was a restaurant. My grandfather and my mother went there and ate some exotic food. I brought my little brother with me so he could follow the same path as I did in my dream. I showed him the monsters. The monsters were all different from one to another. One was hairy while another didn’t have hair at all. Some monsters looked like apes while others would be reptilian. Some of them were aggressive while others were passive. I left my brother with my sisters as they kept on looking at the monsters in the cages. I went for a place where I had been at the end of my previous dream. It was a forge of some sort. Everything was black and vivid red. The heat would come from fire and steam. It was a huge machine designed for something, but I couldn’t figure it out. I entered it and met two men who were working very hard. Both of them had dirt all over their faces and clothes. I spoke to one of them.

” I have been here before, I met you, but I woke up right afterwards “

” Yes, I remember you! “

” Are you aware that this is a dream? “

” Yes, I am. This is where I live. “

” What is behind this machine? I can see a door right there “

I pointed out a very small door, very similar to submarine doors.

” You can’t go there, even I can’t go there. It’s locked forever. Only our boss can go there. “

” Who is your boss? “

” Oh! You know him. He’s the Devil. “

For some reason, I didn’t feel fear at all. The man didn’t look like a demon, just a hard-working guy doing his job.

” Thanks for the information, friend, I must go now. “

” Good luck, friend! “

” Thank you, friend! “

And I woke up.

Dream #21 – The planes of existence

In this dream, the patient found another human being who seemed to be more aware of his surroundings. This being, unlike most “dream people”, knew exactly what to do. The patient believes this man wasn’t an ordinary dream character.

 

” This dream was out of the ordinary. I was in a white room. It seemed to be a very advanced environment, technologically speaking. I met a man who wore black and white clothes. He introduced me to another man who was his assistant. He told me that he had found a way to travel through various planes of existence. He explained that by eating a special kind of meat, I could travel with him and his friend. I agreed to eat the meat he gave me. The meat was raw and yellowish. To my own surprise, it was very tasty. When I ate part of it, I began to realize that I was travelling at a very fast speed in some sort of vortex. I ended up in a world that looked similar to ours, but me, the man, and his friend, were the only humans. The beings who inhabited this land were similar to gorillas, but they wore clothes and could talk a language that I couldn’t understand myself.

 

Some of them feared us, however, and they began to act aggressively towards us. I had to run away and we went on separate ways. I ran into a house for shelther only to find out that the same kind of beings were living in it. I suddenly remembered that I still had some meat on me and I began to eat it, hoping that I would travel to somewhere safer, which I did. I found myself in a “sphere world”, a world which only had floating balls and bubbles everywhere. I soon found the man and his assistant. He was with another friend who was living in this world. I shook the man’s hand, thanking him for allowing me to travel with him, but I woke up immediately after. “

Dream #20 – The Lights

” I had a very small dream. I remember seeing a shiny white light in the night’s sky. I was in the forest, near my camping ground. Suddenly, the white light divided in two. The two lights were moving very quickly and would fly around randomly. I remember being very afraid of the lights. I am unsure if it was a UFO or not. I feared that they would see me. I felt isolated and defenseless. I woke up at the middle of the night with the belief that this wasn’t a dream… But that it was a memory. ”

Dream #19 – Pharaoh & Son

The patient woke up and immediately told us about his last dream.

” This dream was a very special one. It was most certainly one of the “visions”, the kind of dream that stands out with something, a message, perhaps, that I have yet to understand.

 

I saw hieroglyphs. Images of lost, long forgotten egyptian rituals. I saw signs and symbols of gods and deities. I saw a pharaoh. The pharaoh had a wife and a son. His son was a newborn. The pharaoh was on the top of a temple. His wife and son were beneath his arms and he was desperately sheltering them from whatever would come. The sun was on their left and the moon on their right. A brilliant light appeared at the middle, over the pharaoh’s head. The light was stronger than the moon and the sun reunited. The light was pure and dangerous at the same time. The pharaoh’s wife covered her son’s eyes. The pharaoh grew wings and covered his wife and son with them. They were both spared from the light, but the pharaoh, as a sacrifice for sparing his wife and son, became blind. The pharaoh lost his balance and fell from the temple. Since he wasn’t sheltering his wife anymore, she became blind as well… And as she tried to cover her eyes, she lost grip of her infant son. The baby fell with the pharaoh at the bottom of this temple. During this fall, the pharaoh and his son became connected. Both of their heads blended into one another. “

Dream #18 – Bicycles at night

” I was in a forest. It wasn’t the nicest forest and it certainly wasn’t the forest I saw in my last dream, but it was a good forest. The trees were healthy, there weren’t so many dead branches and rocks on the ground and we could walk within it without having problems. Many friends were with me. Some were old friends and some appeared to be friends but I do not know them, but they still were friends to me within the dream and we were having a great time. We were on bicycles on a very fine path made for cycling. It was very dark and the night was beautiful. The weather was warm and I could feel the humidity in the air. It began to rain but the rain wasn’t cold and we were enjoying it. I even talked about the fact that I have never caught a cold by standing in the rain because I enjoy it so much, which is true.

After cycling for a while, we came out of the forest and found a grocery store. Some friends went inside. I stayed outside, checking out my bicycle. When they came out with what they needed, we went back on the path and the rain was falling heavily. We reached an old cottage. A woman in her 50s was waiting for us. She had three children, two young girls and a young boy, aged between 5 and 9 years old. We gave her the groceries and camped outside. She invited me to stay inside, but I wanted to stay with my friends. Many of them were not prepared for this and lacked the camping equipment, so I gave them mine. Another man was very well equiped and held a lot of knowledge on how to survive within the wilderness. I didn’t know who he was, but I began to find a friend in him. I asked him if he wanted to make a natural camp with me by cutting down trees and he agreed. I woke up. “

Dream #17 – The White Bear

” I was walking with my family and some friends. We were on a very high mountain. The air was thin but refreshing. When we reached the top, I saw a breathtaking scenery right before me. Trees by the thousands, rivers, wild animals, all living in harmony. We could see higher mountains to the distance. The tops were covered with snow and ice. My goal was to live off this land for a while and then I would reach the mountains and find what was behind them. I had everything ready. I had some food, the necessary equipment, everything. I hugged everyone who was with me.

Then another one of these bears came from within the bushes. It was an old white bear. It wasn’t a polar bear. It seemed like some other sort of bear that doesn’t exist in this world. This bear didn’t want to let me enter these lands, but it wasn’t aggressive… I just knew that I had to wait at the border until the bear would judge me worthy of entering this sacred place. I realized that I had been allowed to see this land before being able to enter it. ”

Dream #16 – A warrior’s death

The patient recalls yet another dream in which he is at war. The recent dreams involving soldiers and battles have been troubling him to say the least. He believes these dreams represent something that he has yet to understand.

 

 

 ” I recall this dream as if it was a memory of my own. I don’t even see it as a dream. Sometimes I have dreams… They are so real… They are what I call ”visions”. I am a Japanese soldier. I might be as old as fifty years of age. It’s confusing, being on the other side… Like this. I know exactly where I am. I am on the island of Iwo Jima. We lost the battle. I am a prisoner, but not for long. There are enemy soldiers all around me. They are mocking me. They know I am already dead to them. I am gravely wounded. I am bleeding. I can taste my blood within my mouth. I stand alone on the battlefield. Smoke seems to be coming out of everywhere. I can hear the distant sound of grenade detonations. They are laughing. I have a handgun, but I do not have any ammunition and the only weapon I have is my sword. I know I will not go out of there alive, so I fight with the remaining energy that is left in me. The soldiers come towards me with swords taken on the corpses of my friends. Every time one of them charges me with a sword, I am shot by a rifleman who stands at a safe, yet close distance. The bullets are extremely painful, but I refuse to scream. I refuse to die. He shoots me in my legs and in my arms. They are trying to kill me with the swords of my friends. The rifleman is helping them. I try to keep my defensive position, I try to keep them all within my sight, but they are numerous. I manage to inflict many wounds to my foes, but when a soldier is wounded, another takes his place and I am shot once again by the rifleman. They are laughing.

 

 Suddenly, after wounding one more soldier, I receive another shot, this time in the back. I cannot keep the pain inside and I scream… But my scream turns into rage. I turn around and I can see that the rifleman is reloading. I take this as a sign. This is it. I rush towards him. He sees me. He is trying to reload, but he loses grip of the bullets he was about to put within the rifle. I scream once again with all the rage I have within me. He screams back… In fear. I decapitate him. I turn around and I can see that the soldiers let go of the swords and are now aiming towards me with their guns. I am shot, but I die with the strong sense that I have avenged my friends and that I preserved my honor by not being killed by our own blades. “

Dream #15 – At war

Today the patient came back to us with yet another dream. He was very troubled by this one and didn’t sleep very well.

 

 

” I remember being at war. I was fully equiped as a soldier. A house was burning… No, multiple houses were burning all around me. The fires were very intense and my clothes were very thick so I was sweating and I had to wipe my face off with my hands in order to see better. There was an extremely heavy fog all around us. I believe I was in the middle of a battle in World War 1. We were four soldiers, and we were all scared to death. The enemies were everywhere. We were trying to remain silent, hoping that we would survive. We could hear them yell. We could hear motors running at the distance, squadrons passing by, footprints heading towards us. We dared not to shoot with our guns in fear of showing our location. We were in a very small trench next to an old car’s metallic carcass. Suddenly, one of us pulled the trigger on himself in a desperate act. Me and the two remaining soldiers did not want to die that way and we knew the enemy was now aware of our position so we decided to get out of our hiding place and face death with courage. As we advanced, running and screaming within the fog, I lost sight of my friends. I soon lost myself completely isolated within this fog and I couldn’t see anything. I screamed, but I didn’t get any replies. Even the sounds of war were gone. I couldn’t hear anything. Anything at all. Then, after thinking about it, I realized that it was I who was gone. I had been killed. I was a ghost. I was in a ghost world. A world from which I would never escape from. Fear left my soul at this instance. Insanity took over. ”

Dream #14 – The Bears

” I have been having many dreams with black bears recently. I’ve encountered many bears in my life while living in the wilderness… But these bears in my dreams are different. They are old and seem to be completely passive. It’s as if these bears are trying to communicate with me sometimes. On only one occasion a bear attacked me in my dream. It ate me alive. Surprisingly, in my dream, I was not afraid. It was the opposite, actually. To me, being eaten by this bear was part of something. It was a step forwards. It was a message. It ate me and I was part of it, but when I ultimately woke up, the bear was part of me. “

Dream #13 – The glass house

” I have had this dream on numerous occasions. It’s a very large and expensive house and its mostly made out of glass. There’s always a very dangerous thunderstorm raging outside and the lightning illuminates the interior of the house. This time I was with my mother, my sister and one of her friends. We were all terrified and did not know if the house would be able to stand against the storm. “

Dream #12 – The Fish

” Last night I had a very peculiar dream. I was fishing on a boat. Suddenly, a very large fish came out of the water and tried to bite me. I tried to catch it with my fishing rod, but it wouldn’t even try to bite on my hook. The fish was as big as me and I feared for my safety. At some point, the fish’s attacks became bolder and more dangerous. I began to realize that this was no ordinary fish and that it was challenging me. I jumped into the lake and shapeshifted into a fish and fought the beast within the water. “

Remember Christmas

As I am writing this, on a cold november night, snow finally settled on the ground for good. A piano and a gravely voice resonates within my head. There are unusual lights all over the neighborhood. People are preparing for Christmas. There’s something going on inside the children minds. Magic. I still remember it myself. I have to remember it. I have to keep this within me.

I opened the window to let some fresh air enter. The scent of renewal filled the house. The fireplace keeps the warmth inside, however. I have a cup of coffee. I have enough. I have it all.

Sometimes I hate myself for living in North America and sometimes there are moments like these.

There are times that you must enjoy what you have. Naively.

The song is ending.

Freeway, cars and trucks. Freeway, cars and trucks. Freeway cars and trucks.

River Rapids

Archipelago

My resolution for 2010?

Fight with a raging, smiling fist of positiveness.